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.:Yep, Yep, Yep :.
Insomnia is a funny thing. You either have an extremely hard time falling asleep, wake up and can't go back to sleep or just plain can't sleep at all. In any form however, unless in a manic phase, you are left sluggish and depressed during the day. Trying to nap is pointless no matter what time of the day it is. All in all, your days and nights are spent tossing and turning in a somewhat painful state. After awhile you find yourself fearful of even trying to go to sleep at all. You know deep down that no matter what you try, it just ain't happening. Well, not for very long anyway.

Eventually if deprived of sleep indefinitely you begin to settle into somewhat of a delusional state. It may not be much, but you know its there. The feelings swim slowly through your body and up through your head to your brain. Your mind feels vacated and you seem disconnected from your own body. Nothing makes sense and you usually don't make sense to others. Paranoia is ramped. All you want is sleep. Any amount to knock the edge off of what you feel inside.

Anything to make the pain go away is your next step. Drinking hot tea, taking a hot bath or even resorting to sleeping pills, and lots of them. When you (or if you) finally start to feel yourself drift off you are filled with the fear that anything is going to wake you up. The sound of someone coughing, the floors creaking, the TV playing in the next room. The worst is actually HAVING to get up in the middle of the night. With this option you are most always, definitely screwed. You might as well hang it up at that point. Any thought of being able to fall back asleep has now been thrown out.

At some point depression kicks in. This along with your body and mind being thrown off track is almost unbearable. All you want to do is to crawl into the same place that kicked you out: bed. Where else do you turn though? Nothing is interesting, in fact most things that normally interest you, at this point now disgust you. You have no desire for anything, yet want everything. Boredom sets up house with depression and delusions and those are neighbors you just don't want to be renting space in your head.

If you can make it through all of this without losing your mind or killing yourself, you are one of the lucky ones. For others, including myself, it is a ride from hell that can last for days, even weeks before it finally passes. Right now feels like I'm spending an eternity in hell. My own personal hell that no one, not even I myself can fix, correct or pull out of. The only solution is waiting, and here I sit, doing just that.

Much Love